Hello ladies!! Alaina here again with some real talk.. I’ve started and deleted this blog post about a million times now. Every time I type out the words, a sense of panic takes over me. What will people think? What will people say? Out of the dozens of blogs I’ve written, this is by far the most difficult for me to write about, yet has the potential to be the most important.

I have always been very open about most aspects of my life; the fact that I was a teen mom, the fact that I’m divorced, my daughter’s brain condition, my husband’s car accident, etc. But the one area of my life that is still the most difficult for me to talk about, is actually the one area that I’m the proudest to say I survived.

It’s something that I am reminded of every single day by the physical and emotional scars.

It’s something that I have never wanted pity for.

It’s something that changed my life while coming close to losing it on more than one occasion.

I am a domestic abuse survivor.

For nearly 10 years I lived a life of complete uncertainly. Every day, every hour, every minute carried its own set of rules and consequences. It was a life that few on the outside knew about; a life that I worked extremely hard at hiding, and successfully did for many years. I can remember locking myself in the bathroom, sitting on the floor crying, and thinking to myself, “How did I get here? Where did things go so wrong?” I, like so many victims of domestic violence, never considered myself one of “those” people. I was married to a man that I loved with all my heart. He had a career in the military, we had 2 incredible daughters, we had a beautiful house, and by all accounts from the outside looking in, we had a wonderful life. How could THIS have happened?

Since October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, the articles on the topic seem to be constantly trending online. I recently read an article about how survivors needed to share their stories in order for this epidemic to end. All I could do is laugh as I read this article that was clearly written by someone who had never lived through such a nightmare. Which story did they want me to share in order for this horrific crime to end? Is it the story about the time He lit my shorts on fire with a blowtorch and now I have to live with a scar up the entire side of my hip? Or is it the story of when He tried to cut my throat with a kitchen knife and in the struggle to get away ended up cutting my arm open leaving a scar there too? Or maybe it’s the story of when I finally moved out with our 2 children and He broke in to my new house and tried to drown me in the bathtub filled with water? Let’s be honest here, none of these stories will stop this from happening to someone else. All they do is bring on a sense of pity in which I am not interested in entertaining. I don’t know that we will ever be able to stop abuse in all its forms from happening. It’s so embedded in our culture that we can’t seem to see the difference between right and wrong many times. While teaching our Sons that not hitting women is important, the answer to the problem might be more in teaching our Daughters not to tolerate it.

During my divorce, I saw a counselor for PTSD. During that time I was contemplating going back to my husband. I had no idea how to be on my own. I had been married since I was 18 and a mother since I was 16. I didn’t know how to live without someone telling me every move to make. The outside world was overwhelming. For the first time in my life I had to make all the decisions. But what kept me from going back to Him wasn’t the fact that I knew better, or that people were telling me how much better off I was without him. What kept me from going back was what that counselor said to me.

“I Believe In You. I believe that you are strong enough to do this, even when you don’t feel like you are. I believe in all that you are, all that you’re capable of, and all that you’re going to someday be. I believe that you have the power to change your own life. And on the days when you can’t find it in yourself to believe, I’ll be there to believe in you until you can.”

Can you imagine what your life would be like today if just one person had believed in you when you needed it the most? Maybe the answer to the epidemic of domestic violence isn’t in campaigns and months celebrating awareness. Maybe the answer in saving a life is just believing in someone when they need it most. I stayed in that marriage for so long for many reasons, but the main reason, was because I didn’t believe I was strong enough to leave. Thankfully, 6 years later, I can say that not only was I strong enough to leave, but I was strong enough to fight back and now He carries the title of Convicted Felon.

In an effort to break the cycle of abuse, I've tried to teach my own daughters that they have the power to choose what they tolerate in their lives. In a world where teaching your daughter to be biblically submissive to her husband has been misconstrued, I am attempting to break the earthly mold and teach them to be submissive with a voice of their own; to love, obey, and respect both their husbands AND themselves.

My heart breaks for all those that are trapped in the life of domestic violence. It is a life that no one can truly understand unless you’ve lived through it. The complexities of the emotional, financial, and physical torture are far deeper than most on the outside would even want to begin to understand. Maybe changing the world, saving a life, or ending an epidemic just needs to begin with the simple act of believing that you can. Maybe believing in each other might be the answer to finding our own courage to believe in ourselves and not tolerate anything less than living the life that God intended us to live. But no matter what life circumstances you are going through are, maybe, just maybe we need be the one to say….

Psalm 31:24

Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!

It's Real:: Trapped In The Life of Domestic Violence