Fears. We all have them. All different, some the same. What are yours? It seems like this is a subject no one wants to talk about. I know I don’t! Most of the times facing your fears is not pretty. It can get messy and ugly.
Do you ever feel guilty about your fears? I do. If I can be honest, if I think too much about a certain fear, I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is not right. All I want to do is crawl in bed, watch TV and not think about it. But that doesn’t diminish any fears, it just pushes it to the back of my mind.
We are not called to be timid and not face our fears. We are called to step up, face our fears and grow. So today I tell you my biggest fear I have going on right now. Death. That is my fear. Fear that someone close to me will die. Fear that I will die. I can tell you exactly when this fear started (when I received a cancer diagnosis) and why it started (I realized that at the age of 35 I was not immune to an early death). But as quickly as I received that diagnosis, I was in remission. The cancer was gone but that fear stuck around. What if the doctor missed something during surgery? What if the cancer is still there? What if it spread and no one noticed? What if it comes back? Is my daughter susceptible to the same type? My sisters? My mom? Will I die from this???
So I go through those questions in my head. Sometimes out loud to my sisters and my mom aka my BFF's. And I answer the questions rationally. The cancer is gone. I know this. My quarterly check ups confirm this. The labs confirm this. The scans confirm this. There is no confirmation that the cancer won’t come back. There is no confirmation for anyone that they won’t get cancer. But I do know that God does not want us to live in fear. Fear immobilizes us. It’s hard to move forward. It’s hard to breathe. It’s hard to function. Some days that fear swallows me up and it’s hard to do anything. More often than not, I can get out of that fearful pit by going to God’s faithful reminders.
Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
So instead of feeling guilty about my fears, today I choose to use my fears as reminders of how much I need God. I will use my fears as a chance to have a conversation with God, to lean into Him and His word. Today I choose to use my fears as a way to show others that they are not alone. You are not alone. I am not alone. We have the King of Kings on our side. We have to trust that God’s plan is THE plan. He, and only He, knows what is best for us and when it is our time to leave the earth.
Our God is so, so good and faithful. His word doesn’t change.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7
